Boondocks

What if i wanted to break?

2006-06-22T16:51:01Z

It's been a wile. Me and carl broke it off last weekend but i dont think that will last. last night we hung out supposed to be " jsut as friends" and he wanted to see zaida. we ended up kissing for like 30 min then talking like we used to. I think its come down to either we have to be together or we cant be friends. I never wanted it to come down to this. all the other tiems it was easy to go back to being friends but this time its diffrent. i dont know whats making it so diffrent but this is so hard.

My dad hospitalized me and now i have 42 stiches in my head and a shaved head. i was supposed to go to a blue october concert but im to busy to take a night off for myself. if i ever have time i sleep.. i just sleep and i sleep to keep him becuase hes always in my dreams.

I dont want to rant on about me and carl. im trying to find something else to say, maybe something exciting or happy but i cant think of anything. if anyone has advice for me i probbly wont fallow it becuase im like trying to fallow my instencts buttt there might be some good advice out htere.

I dont want it i just need it.

2006-05-29T23:57:12Z

ive been depressed since i had Zaida. I know i wasnt ready but i cant give up now. I heard that its natural for a woman to become depressed afterb a child. im on so many medicines right now for my mental illness's and my physical. Thats why i cant even breast feed her anymore.

My theory is that carl and me will be broken up by next month. It's ripping me apart i dont know what i did but hes actiing like hes so mad at me. Hes acting like he never wanted this... what we have now. I dont even know how to explain his actions. Hes gone right now and i dont know where he is im guessing he's still at matts becuase thats where he always is when hes not here.

I got in a reack today on the 4- weeler i messed up my hip and i finially got in back into place. its still hurts to move it though i think i did more damage then what i thought. its swelling to twice its normal size enless thats normal for something when you pop it out of place.

My birthday was cool i had fun. Went 4weeling and then pulled out a one person raft and went rafting all around the lake with all the people in boats laughing at us :P its was great.

I just wanted to do a quick update.

Im so proud to be the best friend of a sLuT

2006-05-24T16:42:46Z

Mitcheals case got dropped and closed. WANNA KNOW WHYYYYY!? becuase he screwed his prosecuter. for once im proud of him for whoring it up. I cried all that morning becuase his court was at 8 and he didnt get home till like 11 and he called me and i was sobbing and then i stopped for like to seconds and switched from sobbing becuase im sad to sobbing becuase im happy. I went to his house and i jumped on him and we wouldnt let each other go.

Yesterday i went to work for my first time at my new job... haha i quite. Im not a machanic. I mean i could be one but i dont like to and it frustrates me. so im not going back. I told carl to tell them that today i would have came in jsut to tell them that but i have strep throat. Or i think i do my throat is swollen and im going to die of a temp of 102.6. Cant believe im even up right now.

It's just another way to survive.

2006-05-22T12:27:45Z

today is mitcheals court date. He ditched me last night so i dont know if im going to it or not. I want to but i dont know where it is. I'm scared im going to cry if he calls me after its all done. I want to go back to sleep but i can't my nerves are flippin' out. To be honost i think im going to puke becuase there going insane that bad.

Everyone pray and everyone hope that he doesn't go to jail. I'm scared. I'll post how it went later today if i even know. I think im going to go see my shrink.

Later.

Story Of My Life

2006-05-21T21:23:27Z

Im so tired. My muscles hurt like 90% of the time. I feel like crying. Me and carl got in a fight becuase he thinks im being unfaithful. Mitcheal is mad becuase i "blew him off" i should be used to people being mad at me by now. Im always fucking up.

Found out some real messed up stuff about my real dad again. That my mom didnt even want another kid and he did and he told her if she didnt he would leave. She still said no and he didn't leave and he inpregnated her and she wanted an abortion but he would beat her everytime she mentioned it. Im a mistake.

All the peices fit now.

I'm a mistake.

I Write Sins

2006-05-19T23:22:05Z

well monday is the 22 and im going to court with mitcheal. He slept with his prosecuter so it shouldn't be to bad. But im going to go anyways because i know im lucky and i know it will for sure work out if im there. \

Zaida is sick for the first time since she was born and its wearing me out. Not only is she keeping me up at night but i got a new kitten and it thinks my face is a scratching post wile im sleeping. Rather it scratch me than carl though. Carl threw her across the room becuase she clung on to his arm with her claws. I got mad at him.

Right now Carl is giving me a break and taking care of Zaida for me. It's non stop crying shes just sick with a cold but her nose is stuffed up and shes just upset. It breaks my heart seeing her in pain like this.

Lips of an angel

2006-05-10T18:11:12Z

" I hear your voice say my name and it sounds so sweet coming from the lips of an angel hearing thoughs words makes me weak."

I begged and begged and begged for carl to take off today. Im usued to having epople have part time jobs but its so hard when the love of my life is never here till like 6 and he's tired and im so energetic. He's all i think about all day about how i cant wait till he gets home.

If he just walked away what would i say?

He left me 20 dollars today so that i could take myself out for lunch. after i went to the doctores i went to Bangkok so i could get sushi. god it was good. I'm thinking about going back to bed becuase im so tired. Im always tired. I have to get Zaida from Carls moms at three. We are starting to put her on a bottle full time :P carls mom loves her more than anything. Carls mom loves anything thats mine more than anything. She's so excited about the wedding and even though she doesnt have money and she gets most her money from carl she said shes been saving up to get me a dress. Our wedding will be small and i know it even though in my head its huge with all my friends and family and carls .. jesus i hope carls family isnt there other than his direct family. he ahs way to many family members and his family reunion is this weekend. And i have to go so that we can tell everyone the news becuase right now out of his family only his mom and brother knows. His dad is so funny too hes always like nudging carl and going " when you ganan ask the babe if she will marry you" Carl ignores him and a giggle and joke on carl too going " yeah when ya ganna do that huh?"

Anyways i cried again about mitch last night. i always cry. Seems like it latly anyways.

If we could just make it threw

2006-05-09T22:48:53Z

Well im sorry i havnt posted in forever if i would have i would have scared everyone away. It's just been crazy. Ryan went to rehab and theres no telling when he will be out. I guess when he gets better that could be from a month to a year. Im wanting to move into the house carl is wanting to buy but i cant till ryan comes back becuase of the animals. Im going to move the dog kennel out to my place becuase i cant live without the dogs or i might just start my own kennel. When we breed i cant start taking the POL and start breeding out at carls. I don't want as many dogs as we do here but i want 4-5 aussies and maybe a smalled house dog.

Mitcheal and me got in a fight but its ok now. Im going to have to go pick him up sometime soon after my laundry is done. I dont have much more to say so im just going to stop now.

You never doubted my thoughts on suicidal hate

2006-05-04T17:10:52Z

I've been crying all day and im sick of it. Mitch is about to go back to jail. Hes my best friend and yeah carl gets jelouse and doesnt like it when me and mitch are together but he can't hold us back becuase hes my brother. More of a brother than ryan will ever be to me. We get in our fights but withen 5 minutes we will get over it. Lindsey is going to JDC for two weeks so thats not to bad but shes really depressed and freaking out about court today. So this post is for mitch. Here goes:

You where the one that was there when i gave birth to Zaida, Carl, her dad, wasn't even there. You let me hold your hand even though it hurt, even though your hand was broken but we laughed becuase we where in such a great place for you to have a broken hand.

Where would i be without you bro? The times you took me in when i was kicked out of the house. When you had to help me snick back in to grab things for Zaida. You accepted me when no one else would. You said words that didn't make a sound but i trusted them becuase your eyes had trust in them. These words always make way to much sence.

You are my newest project and im dedicated to you. I'm helping you get on your feet, if the court new this you wouldn't have to go. I was there when you feet where so tired of being stood apon and you had to lay down. I doctored your cuts and the mucus filled blisters on them wile you slept wile you couldn't take what the world gave you. I was there to help you take baby steps back outside once you heeled. I don't do that to everyone if they have no hope but i see it in your eyes. I wish you wouldn't take this gift for granted but i always forgive you.

I loved the times when you would wrap your arms around me at night. I didn't even need a blanket for comfort your arms where enough. You arms filled me with as much protection as a human can hold. I would pretend to be asleep so that you would relax and when you fell asleep i would touch your 'grandpa' hands. They always showed what you had been threw in the past. I know your past from your hands and you never even had to say a word of it.

I always wanted to tell you that i was yours for the taking. I knew i wasnt beautiful enough or what you where looking for but i always tried. Always making my good quilities stand out so maybe you would forget the bad. I hid my uglyness and dirt so maybe you would see me. You always saw me and i had to relize that we are not ment to be that i am your little sister and you love me to much to hurt me the way relationships do.

I remember being in my car. We are always in my car. The way i would make you think about life in a whole knew way and you hated the affect i had on you so you would threaten to jump out. But i think you relized that all you wanted to do was spread your wings.

The way we sat infront of your moms trailer in my car when things got to bad but we had no where to go. We pretneded we where getting somewhere but we never did. We listeaned to music and smoked ciggerrets and talked about family pasts and making it threw the future. The way you would listean to me when i went into rants about girl rights and the jokes we made about me blowing up a texas football game. We laughed till we where in tears. We talked till we didnt know if we where really two diffrent people or if we where one attached by the mind.

We have rules to our friendship that are unsaid. Understandments that we never mentioned. When i hired you as my best friend and you laughed and said you had applied a long time ago. We laughed and hugged and i didnt ever want to let go becuase i knew deep down that someone would take you away and i never thought it would be the court. I think i lost a peice of me in you that night. I think i left it in your arms.

You are always the one thats there when the weight of the world has fallen on me and i cant get up. Your the first one to grab a shovel and start working on me. Just enough so that i can stand again and you let me cry becuase you know how hard it is for me to make it threw day by day not knowing if ill be able to walk the next morning.

I will always hate the way you make me smile. The way you dig your head under my arm and start crawling in my lap but you forget that you are to big. the way you poke at my sides till i laugh. I hate it all but somehow it works. And when i say i hate you you say you love me and hug me even though im punching you becuase you know i would never acctually hurt you. And how when we acctually do get mad we sit and wait for the street light to turn green till then we are passing my last cig back and forth taking long slow drags and before the light ever turns green we have already forgotten why we where fighting.

How when i want something i cling around your leg and you walk around the house without saying a word to me pretneding im not there but i see the smile on your face even though im not looking and im clinging and i dont ever want to let go but i know i have to once you give into me. You try to act mad but then i jump in your lap like a puppy and you have to laugh becuase im so excited about what ever you gave in to.

I love you Mitcheal Drymon and even though ill be 30 when you get out Zaida will know all about you, she will know that your her uncle that you went threw as much pain as i did to get her out of my body.

The only think i want for my birthday is for you not to be in jail and im praying every night that you wont go. If your there on the 27th for me. This will be the best birthday i have ever had.

I guess i should stop now becuase my tears have blured my eyes. I'll die without you Mitchy D.

costume makes the clown

2006-05-01T01:47:35Z

I'm really tired right now. I worked myself to hard. I have a desease called muscle phosphorylase deficiency. This means i cant excersize much because i get exuasted, i cant do what normal people do at my age with parties and stuff it wears me out. Today carl stayed at matts and i had Cody calling me and she said that there was a fat nast girl over there hitting on carl and carl couldnt get her to leave him alone. So i rush over there in my PJ's with Zaida and Cody met me at my car and started telling me things she had done how she just sat there watching him work on his 4-weeler all day and trying to get him to go home with her. So i go into the shop and carl jumps up from putting on a new gas tank on his 4-weeler and comes running over to me and kisses me. I turn to the girl and i see it is one of my old friends i used to work with named Nikkie. I handed zaida over to cody and jumped on carls back and he took me over to the 4-weeler and put me on it. I look over at Nikkie and say " Why are you here?" And she had nothing to say to that. So i keep going " You know hes mine and he would never want a fat ass like you so you need to stay away from carl and me. And everyone else here becuase no one likes you here." And Cody was like " Yeah and Josh (Cody's husband) Doesn't like you looking at his ass either" Then nikkie gets all teary eyed and was like, "you know carl was all over me befor you came along" I said " you didnt even know carl befor i 'came along'" Thats when she stood up saying a bunch of crap to me and it was so funny how angry she got and i hadn't even started with what all i could say about her and how she fucked anthony in the freezer at mcdonalds and than claimed he raped her.
By this time everyones just sitting back watching us becuase she was all in my face talking all sorts of crap about how im a slut and i dont deserve a guy liek carl and shit and i just sat there on the 4 weeler with my legs crossed smiling and nodding in agree ment. Then she stopped and befor she had a chance to turn around to walk out. BAM. I puched her in the face and she doesnt even stumble she just falls right on her ass. Cody, josh, matt, matts dad, and Carl just all start laughing and im almost in tears because im so fucking angry.

Carl nottices this and comes to me and hugs me and Cody was like " you need to leave" and so nikkie left crying with a black... cheek bone? Cody hands me zaida and carl needed to get to work after he put on the gas tank thingy so i leave knowing i did what cody needed me to do becuase she is to old to hit someone thats underage so i did her dirty work because im NOT 18 YET, thank god.

So then i get home and we have a horse right now with a broken leg and he asked me to go change the bedding and clean up all the stalls so i did becuase i didnt feel like fighting with him and i wanted to see Rusty anyways becuase he always knows when im having a bad day. By then i was totally tired. So i took an hour nap got woke up by Zaida who was hungrey. then i desided that i wanted to go see carl again at work so i took zaida to his work and he looked so happy to see me even though he was really busy. but he took 30 min off to come talk with me. He told me im the reason why he got a full time job. he was telling me how we are going to get a house soon. I am so excited i cant wait. He said he would show me a few houses next time he gets the chance. Im really excited about it becuase we have been trying to work this out for a wile now trying to get away from my brother and all the drugs. He made me laugh he was like " you know how you make me feel?" and i said "how do i make you feel?" and he said " GOOSEY" i was like 'o.o' it made me laugh. Befor i left he stopped e and kissed me and was about to go back to work and i grabbed him and wouldnt let him go and i couldnt stop kissing him becuase i didnt want him to ever forget my kiss. I don't think he did. Then he said " think about me my little shakira" (total inside joke that only a few people know about.. it has to do with me dancing in my underwear)

So now im home and carl should be coming home at around 9. I just put zaida to bed and now im just so tired. Im afraid this problem with my legs is going to make it hard for me to get a job. meaning ill have to rely on carl for ever..

Today is a nothing day

2006-04-27T23:03:23Z

I've been bored all day nothing has happened at all. So sincei m so bored today seems liek a very flood my journal with quizes day.

You scored as Red. You are a Red Were. Reds love playing and being active, like streaks of fire through forests. They are constantly moving, only stopping to eat and sleep. They can make any situation lighthearted and love a good joke.

</td>

Red

83%

Brown

76%

Silver

69%

Gold

67%

Black

59%

White

55%

Grey

55%

What Color Werewolf Are You??
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as brown wolf. your a brown wolf. Your very self confident and you love to play. your very deep into philosophy and you love to know what going on at all times. keep on the look out for potential fun, it will find you!

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brown wolf

85%

Silver wolf

70%

white wolf

65%

yellow wolf

60%

Grey wolf

50%

red wolf

45%

Black wolf

45%

Blue wolf

what color wolf are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Angel. Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.

</td>

Angel

92%

Mermaid

59%

Dragon

59%

Faerie

59%

WereWolf

25%

Demon

What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com

Deseo que pueda ir a casa

2006-04-27T01:56:45Z

Ok i have gotten a request from my best friend from new mexico to write a poem in spanish becuase shes thinks its the best thing in the world when i start speaking in spanish. So here is the poem. Its not by me and i dont know who its by and ill put the translation after.

El día menos pensado en medio de la noche
los chicos de dos muertos se levantaron para luchar
ellos retrocedieron para apoyar y encarar el uno al otro
y dibujó allí espadas y disparó el uno al otro
el hombre sordo de la policía oyó el ruido
y vino y mató aunque chicos de dos muertos
Si usted se puso crea mí soy verdad es verdad
Pida al ciego que él vio también

And now on to the translation so you all dont think im to terrably crazy:

One fine day in the middle of the night
two dead boys got up to fight
they stood back to back and face one another
and drew there swords and shot one another
the deaf police man heard the noise
and came and killed thoughs two dead boys
if you dont believe me its true its true!
Ask the blind man he saw it too.

There you go Liz there is your poem. I'll say it over the phone sometime when im not really busy.

How to save a life 101...

2006-04-26T03:15:36Z

I want to make a list of states ive been to just becuase i want to know myself.

Ohio
Newmexico
Texas (who hasnt been to texas? ew.)
Arizona
Colorado
Utah
Kansas
Oklahoma
Arkansas
Mississippi
Missouri
Illinoise
Indiana
Florida

Thats it. period. done. 14 out of the 50 states aint i cool. Ive been thinking about songs i want to play at me and carls wedding haha thats like in two years but you know what thats ok. I still feel cool. He wont like half the songs i pick but he can get over it. Me and him and music = a mess. He's never willing to get to know any new songs so its just the same songs over and over and im like " BUT LISTEAN TO THIS SONG" and hes liek well i dont know it and im liek " GET TO KNOW IT DUHHHHH"

Anyways. Life is crazy right now. My mom has been staying over here and shes just crazy shes like .. almost dead and it sucks. Becuase i see the reaper in her taking her as slowly as posible and as painful as possible and it drives me crazy to see her still shooting up with my brother. Its like they dont see it only i do , that or they just dont care. So i started crying and called carl and he knows how it is because his mom is the same just minus the drugs but he still knows the emotions im feeling. So after he let me cry and stuff we started talking about where we are goign to go. I told him my dream of having a trailor and letting me draw all over it. He said no but he would get me a racing lawnmower that i can hippiefie. That made me giggle becuase thats so carl to say something like that. Then he came over and brought me chocolate. I love how hes always there for me.

Like today when i got in the fight with mitch. He was there like he knew. Sitting outside in his truck because he knew i would go storming out of the house and he crabbed me and wouldnt let me go or leave and its like he broke threw my defensive shell and got into the soft goo inside and he sank down to his knees with me still holding me till i let it all out. Mitch pretty much told me i wont ever get anywhere in life. I felt stupid. I felt useless. But thats my one priority is to make it threw it all. So i have been. he doesnt know how it is to have a three month old baby that i have to always be there for. Who needs attention and im her hero. I am her everything. A mother is her daughters god. I am god to someone i created her and went threw the pain of having her and she knows it and she needs me more than she will need me in the future. So i am here for her i am here to lay on the floor with her to tell her shes beautiful everytime she silently wakes up and looks at me. I am the one who does a little dance with her to make her stop crying. No one else can have the affect on her but me. And she needs me. And yes sometimes ill go a lot of the day without spending time with her but im still a baby too. I make sure shes in good hands of course but sometimes i need a break and thats why i love the fact that carl is back. If it wasnt for him i would be nothing. He is my armor and im his gooy heart that he has to protect. We share the same responsability just in two diffrent ways.

And this is my life and this is who i am becoming and ive changed so much. Im growing up. i thought there was nothing left of me to grow up on. Then i had Zaida. I have to make others around me grow up aswell and i think thats the hardest part of it because only you yourself can controle what you do. The mind is a powerful thing but people dont understand how it works so they dont use it.

intheboondocks @ 2006-04-22T12:45:00

2006-04-22T18:04:26Z

(Chorus:)
I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

And I can feel
That muddy water running through my veins
And I can hear that lullaby of a midnight train
It sings to me and it sounds familiar

(Chorus)

And I can taste
That honeysuckle and it's still so sweet
When it grows wild
On the banks down at old camp creek
Yeah, and it calls to me like a warm wind blowing

(Chorus)

It's where I learned about living
It's where I learned about love
It's where I learned about working hard
And having a little was just enough

It's where I learned about Jesus
And knowing where I stand
You can take it or leave it, this is me
This is who I am

Give me a tin roof
A front porch and a gravel road
And that's home to me
It feels like home to me

(Chorus)

I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

You get a line, I'll get a pole
We'll go fishing in the crawfish hole
Five-card poker on a Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

(2x)
You get a line, I'll get a pole
We'll go fishing in the crawfish hole
(Down in the boondocks)
Five-card poker on a Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

Say a little prayer for me

That my friends is where i got my user name from. That my friend is the story of my life. And if you want to download it its by littlebig town and called boondocks. Its a good song.

Me and ryan are supposed to do something today but i didnt wake up till like 12 and he wasnt home when i woke up. He hasnt called the phone either so i guess we arnt doing anything. For once the house is silent no one is here and if i wanted to i could run around naked but i dont think ill do that. Zaida is with Carl at his moms house up the road he wanted her to meet his neice and nephew. his neice is two i think and the nephew was born a month before zaida. So i guess that makes them Zaidas cousins. Wow she has cousins and a dad :3 i remember when i first had her i broke down almost everyday becuase i had no one to help me . she wouldnt have a father, Thank god carl came back to me and we admitted a lot of stuff to each other.

I hope ryan comes home i really want to go out and do something with him. We havnt had a sibling day in forever.

I love the summer nights

2006-04-20T03:08:01Z

I went to walmart with my guy friends meaning Jimmy, Mitch, and KC. Jimmy was really hyper and hasnt been high all day and that means hes going to be obnoxiously hyper, KC hits on me every chance he gets and says the most sexually annoying things and then Mitcheal is always talking to me and pounting out the girls he would " stick it in". So why not go to walmart!? Haha.

I started getting really mad so i was heading off to the car after KC pushed me over the edge and it was either get out or cuss them out and they where taking forever getting what they needed. So i was storming out almost to my car and i see carl reading something out of his wallet and i was like " holly shit" and he looked up and he say hey sweety and he wrapped me up in his arms like he always does and we start walking with me hooking my arm in his even though he doesnt get the point of that. And we walking back into walmart and theres the three guys standing there and i was like " Im going to go get truck oil bye guys!" and walked off with carl. Jimmy was like ' give me your keys' and i wouldnt so he got mad but oh well he got over it. So me and carl went and got a bunch of truck stuff for his .. ghetoofab truck. And then when we went back outside i let Carl meet the guys becuase he hasnt really met them. And KC had the nerve to piss carl off by saying " She's my wife too you know" KC being a 6'6 foot tall black man carl wasnt about to start anything him being only .. 5'5. wouldnt be a fair fight and he knew it. Then they went to my car and i unlocked it for them and i wetn to go look at a new sticker he put on his truck. And all of a sudden we just couldnt stop kissing. the guys where getting mad and i just couldnt stop i just wanted to go out to matts with him so we could take a shower together (since he was covered in oil and greese). But i had to get everyone home.

After i did that i went home and i see carls truck out side and i go in and sat down on the couch and started loving on Zaida since i hadnt seen her for like 5 hours. And carl comes out with 12 redroses and kisses me again and told me he couldn't live without me and zaida. That we make up his whole world and we are so much more then he will ever be to us. Its not true he doesnt understand how much i love him. And then we took a shower together.

After all that carl wanted to watch tv becuase he had been working all day and he layed down on the ground with Zaida and she fell asleep on his stumic. I see him in her and i know if anything ever happens to him ill still have a peice of him in my daughter.

We go anywhere we want to go...

2006-04-14T20:46:27Z

I just got back from being out in Elkins, a town about 10 minutes from my house so you know its just a redneck hick town in the middle of no where with the population of like .. 200 :P i know most of thoughs 200 though so its a cool place to be. But today i didnt go there to hang out with them. I told my brother to watch zaida since he didnt have to work today so i wanted a break. Sounds simple enough right? I desirve it. So i went out there with my best friend maddie who is going to have her baby next month and we layed out there sun tanning and the very tip of her belly got sun burnt it made me giggle.

I got real tan. Since i have phelopino, black, palastinian, and indian i tan very well and only got burnt once. so im probably darker then YOU.

Anyways i want to call carl but i dont want to bother him. He's probably still in oklahoma moving stuff but i want him to come home and not be all tired and stuff :{ He promised me yesterday he would take me out and he hasnt yet. I have it set in my head he will call me becuase esterday when i called him he was acctually in the prosess of dialing my number. Soooo maybe if i think about him calling me really hard he will call. Ill go do that now.

Knife Fight With A Girl

2006-04-14T01:34:52Z

I'm still dangling by a thread but i think it will be ok.

Theres this old man who lives in a bus down the road from me and he has this fake chicken that sits on the font of it but its made out of real chicken feathers so it looks very real. So Carl comes running in the house with this chicken and i was freaking out i was like " GET THAT THING OUT OF THE HOUSE" becuase i thought it was real. And well chickens poop everywhere and you know who has to clean the floors when others make a mess. of course the only female in the house, me. But anyways he throws it on me and i was like " OMG YOU STOLE THIS FROM BENJY" and carl starts laughing and now its on the front of his truck :P I thought it was funny. WAS A REAL KNEE SLAPPER YO.

We had a big talk today. The best big talk i've ever had. He could tell something was wrong and he was like "dont hide anything from me we are in this together" and i was like "Fine, im just owrried your still in love with starla (his ex) becuase i know how crazy you where about her after me and you broke up." And he held my chin in my hand and he said "That love for her could never match the love i have for you." it was sweet and made me feel better about it all.

I think my brother got a new girlfriend. Theres been this girl over here like almost everyday. Im about to go insane. Everyone that knows me knows i dont like females expecially in my house. So far mitch has convenced me to leave her alone but ill pop soon :)

And i beleive this will call for a proper introduction

2006-04-13T02:22:49Z

I am the author and this is just the prologe.

So i'm getting married. Big woop. Everyones making a big deal out of this but me. Honostly im not ready. I'm not saying im not ready to committe to Carl but this is such a big step into a real life. Ive never had a real life and im jumping into it like its nothing. How many 17 year old girls can handle having there own baby?

I'm not saying i dont love him. I do i really do and what other guy would put on a bikini for me? He's suck a dork and we are so much a like and it scares me sometimes how we say the same thing at the same time. I hold this ring in my hand and i roll it around in my hand, i put it back on and my hand looks to sloppy for something so perfect. My life is to sloppy for something as perfect as this. I know it wont be acctually happeneing for a wile and i know this ring is more like a promise ring but still. How we plan our future. The brick house out in the boonies with a baby donkey and a racing lawnmower. How much more peacful can you get. All my friends from out of state like in new mexico and my online friends are always telling me i need to get out of this state. That it's gotten to my head and that i even have an accent now. That my mexican accent has turned to a hill billy accent, but what if thats what i want? No one understands that they all think im crazy that there is no way in hell i could ever be at complete peace in a place like this. I'm happy and thats whats wrong with me is becuase im not used to having no drama in my life and when that happens i start making drama. You'll see, just keep on reading and you'll see.

People search for a beautiful love and now i've found it and ive never felt so torn between two worlds in my life.